Why does time fly so quickly?

It doesn't seem like it has been almost 2 weeks since I posted last. I did get my entire house cleaned and have actually been able to keep it up. I also made a menu for two weeks of meals and made my shopping list off of it. In case your wondering why I'm saying this it is because I never do this. I just go shopping and get what I think I might need and then hope I can make something out of it. and then I get mad because I don't know what to fix for super and I fret about it all day till I think I'll go mad. So now I wake up and know what I am fixing that day and also know that I have all the ingredients. I have not always been this disorganized, but ever since I started having children I guess I thought I did not have time for lists and such. Now I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. By all means though this is not a habit yet, it seems to take me for ever to do something on a regular basis till it becomes habit. Usually I Only get to the one month mark and quit cause I think it's to hard. I know it's lousy. You can pray for me in this area cause I know my husband is to. I
think he enjoys actually getting a good meal at nite and not something I threw together with the ingredients I had on hand. Doing all this has also helped my mood as well. I think I'm going through some postpartum depression. Cause I just don't feel like my self lately. In fact I haven't for the past 4 or five years. After my mom was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in Jan of o4,getting pregnant in Dec of 04 , losing her in february of 05 and two more babies since then I guess maby I am felling a little over whelmed.I hardly get adjusted to my new baby and then I'm pregnant and sick again and don't feel like doing anything.And no I am not trying to tell you that I am pregnant again, God forbid! Some times I wonder if I haven't had the baby blues for about 3 and 1/2 yrs solid. This time seems a little worse cause I am questioning my salvation and not wanting to have a relationship with Christ anymore and feel so completely alone right now.This really bothers me cause even when I have had depression before I have never felt this way about my spiritual life. Has anyone ever felt this after a pregnancy? I feel so stupid . It's like my mind is telling me that I'm not saved but, my heart screams at me at the same time saying it is not so. Arg it is so confusing at the time. I know I should listen to what my heart tells me but my mind seems to overwhelm me.It feels like a battle.I have always been told that it was a constant battle but I guess I have never felt it so real before. But then again I don't think I have ever been this tired before either, and I can not cope with things at all when I am tired. Cameron and I are wanting to join at grace but I have been holding back because of how I am feeling right now. Please pray that the Lord will clear my mind so that I can take this step forward with my husband. It has been the desire of our hearts to join but first we wanted to make sure we were going to be staying here and now I feel like such a failure spiritually that I don't know if I can go through that process from my heart. I don't want to give answers that are what I know Danny will want to hear when we become members, I want them to come from what I know to be truth in my heart. I am tired of acting like what I know I am supposed to. But if I act like what I feel now I don't think anyone would want me around! Well now that you know what I really am like right now:{ Sorry. I just needed to write this out cause it makes me feel better. Besides I think my struggle must be written on my face or something cause I have had several people come up and ask me how I'm REALLY doing, cause they said I looked frazzled. And I definatly do.